16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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