can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
