What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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