i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
