R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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