Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
