You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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