Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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