His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
smell my finger.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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