And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
