Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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