He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
