Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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