Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize