We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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