shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
