I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
