I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
