this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
