i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
