Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
