how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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