her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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