Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
