Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
