speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
