dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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