Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
