Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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