I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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