I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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