I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Two words: blizzard sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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