Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
