Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
