Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
