umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
