is your mom at the bar?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
