Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
