I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
