I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
