I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
