my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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