I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
