I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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