i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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