Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I cut my penus on the lid.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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