Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ugly people sure do ruin things
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
