Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?