Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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