If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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