So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im six kinds of drunk right now
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
