You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
