why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I need to align my fucking chakras
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