if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
