just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
