Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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