I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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