is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
