it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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