Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
