remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
