what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize