it was like his penis was on wheels.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
