You're my little dorito
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
